The Dobler Diatribe

the life that is waiting for us

2011-04-19T18:47:00.002-05:00

There is something so startling about how much time can pass between posts. So... hi. I'm still here. We're still here.

The last several months have been some of the most incredible, frustrating, and challenging experiences I have encountered. In the Book of Milestones:
-our second year of marriage
-a cross-country move
-loss of jobs
-acquired a dog

Life has continued to be anything but what is expected and inch by painful inch, a new understanding is being carved into my heart. I saw the quote at the beginning of this post yesterday (kimberlyscottblog.com) and almost cried with how poignantly it represents our life. Plans are like paper. They can be stained, lost, erased, creased, reshaped, recycled... and that is exactly how mine have been.

Right now we are staying with my aunt and uncle who have generously allowed us into their home while we secure jobs in the Bay Area before getting an apartment. Joshua has recently found a job and is waiting to be put on the schedule and I am about to transition from a full-time nanny position to two part time jobs that will provide better personal satisfaction. I think my nannying season is starting to wind down, which is a huge blessing because I keep telling people, "I want at least a few years' break from caring for other people's children before my own."

For now, though, I hear a sweet baby's voice wanting to get up from a nap. Until next time...

Home Sweet California

2010-06-07T22:16:00.003-05:00

We got into Redding today! It was surreal to make the drive up I-5 like I have so many times before. A bubbly, giddy feeling permeated the car as Joshua and I began to see familiar signs and landmarks. The sun was glowing with the same happiness we had. When I saw Mount Shasta, I almost cried. Hoping I was not a lone sentimental fool, I once asked a friend if they understood the “coming home” feeling. She agreed that after a long time away, whether for a vacation or a move, there is something uniquely comforting about seeing places you know so well. Memories involuntarily dance across your mind and feelings of nostalgia give a soft edge to an otherwise jarring change in location.

We did not hesitate to start calling a few friends and letting them know we were back in town. In fact, we ended up having four people over for a spontaneous dinner and enjoyed one another’s company, hugs, and conversation. Life is sweet.

Extraneous Sign Verbage and Extra-terrestrials

2010-05-26T17:13:00.001-05:00

Joshua and I have a habit of pointing out weird road names and laughing at them. Yesterday it was Noodle Dome Rd. Today there was a town named Gary and Joshua said it was rather narcissistic. Also we saw signs that said “Use EXTREME caution” (not just the regular kind) and “Dust storms may exist” (you mean like the aliens?). We got a late start today after dealing with our bank on some of their new fees (I miss WaMu) so we got to the International UFO Museum and Research Center at about 10:30. Figuring it would not be much to look at, the late start did not faze us. Three hours later, we walked out and I was sorely disappointed that the t-shirts were all so lame because I really wanted one. The museum was thought-provoking because A) we are definitely weird like that and B) because we got to make jokes the whole way through about the characters from the television show Roswell. It did make us think, though, about how inconsistent the government’s “official position” was on the incident but that the personal accounts from many different kinds of people were relatively consistent. All the same, I don’t think either of us are willing to be converted to believing in extra-terrestrials quite so quickly. (When we passed what looked like a thick-web covered bush in Arizona it was still difficult not to think of the pods from aforementioned show). The spaceship themed McDonald’s is everything one might expect with a UFO shaped play area, complete with Ronald in a spacesuit. We left Roswell satisfied with our short but enjoyable stay in quirky Smalltown, USA.

Our time on the road totaled about eleven hours today, coming in at over 600?? miles. The route had us on the interstate again and I think it was delightful for both of us to be reunited with I-10, this time westbound. It was pretty much like yesterday’s drive, but a bit more scenic. The mountains were a nice change to Texas’ hills and windmills. Hours later, even mountains can seem redundant, especially when repeatedly paired with stretches of desert. When twilight hit, the scenery lit up in shades of purple, red, and orange and we were able to snap a few shots at 70 mph.

Yesterday’s incident has made us very aware of our gas levels and it is nice to know we can laugh about it already. KFC was our choice for dinner and a bathroom break (McDonald’s, Subway, Wendy’s, Sonic, and Arby’s is all we have seen for two days… notice their menus are not unique). While we were waiting for our order, a group of beefy men walked in sporting matching black shirts labeled, “Geronimo Hot Spot.” Joshua made me really nervous when he observed in a loud, awkward whisper, “What is this, a biker gang?” It turns out they were a volunteer fire squad but all I could imagine was angering a group of scary guys who would demand the Uhaul as payment for our offense.

A couple hours and playlists later, we arrived at our other set of parents, talked for a little bit and headed to bed. Looking forward to a fun few days…

Momentum More Than Moxie

2010-05-25T22:21:00.004-05:00

(Roadtrip Day 1)

The day began with plenty of tears after saying goodbye to my family this morning. Even pursuing the "right" destination is hard when you're leaving loved ones. Of course it is supposed to be a "see you soon", but the pain is deep and the void is wide where my favorite people reside in my heart and in my life. Both Joshua and I admitted to making up scenarios in our mind about how or why we should stay in DFW at least a little longer, simply needing and wanting more time, not wanting to say goodbye. It makes me misty eyed to think about it and really all I could do today was think and talk about other things in order to bring myself to the present and really enjoy this journey we are on. To some degree, the resolution to stay on the westbound road was more momentum than moxie. I had no great bravery, resolution, or revelation. I simply knew that our spirits and our circumstances were like headed like a wave to the shore: timely and inevitable. So we drove.

Windmills in west Texas

Our open road

We made an 8 hour, 461 mile dent in our roadtrip for Day 1. It was mostly quiet, relaxing, and uneventful until just outside of Roswell. Our gas gauge read empty when we were about thirty miles outside of Tatum and forty miles away from Roswell. We pulled over to a rest stop thinking that it would be easier for someone to find us but after several phone calls to police stations and wrecker services, we realized it would be hours or lots of money before we would be taken care of. Even AT&T required 72 hours to activate roadside assistance. I think we both got tired of trying at the same time and I told Joshua, "I kind of want to just start driving." So we did. Miraculously (for sure), we made it 35 miles on an "empty" tank and pulling a trailer! There is just no other way to call it anything but God's grace.

Once in Roswell, we filled up on gas and checked into our hotel. After a quick shower, we decided that we would do the UFO Mickey D's tomorrow and headed out to drive around a bit and eat at a Mexican restaurant recommended by a friend. Joshua and I are fans of the 90s [teen drama] tv show, Roswell, so we looked up the original Crashdown Cafe location (even though Roadside America said it's been closed since 2003). We found that it still had the famous spaceship wreck in its facade but is now a very cheesy alien paraphernalia store. A few photos and a short drive through the alien-lamppost-ed Main St. later, we opted to eat at Farley's, a diner/pub that stayed more alongside our alien themed visit.

Tomorrow's plans include the UFO Research Center and the oh-so-special spaceship-inspired McDonald's then an approximate eleven hour drive to Mesa, where Joshua's parents live. I am ready to do my own "crashing" in Roswell.

Leaving one state for another

2010-05-25T22:08:00.004-05:00

Today was the first day of our road trip back to Redding. While it has been really exciting and I'm really glad to be on a great trip with my amazing wife, I did not expect leaving to be so difficult. It turns out I really love the people that have come into my life. To be honest it's going to be a real bummer to not be able to call up family and friends to see if they want to hang out and see them 5 minutes later. It has been the most difficult part of this moving process and many tears have shed. :(

The road trip itself is a blast. We spent 8 hours getting to Roswell, NM, and it is as cheesy as you have probably imagined. It is the same as any other small town in America, with the exception of alien paraphernalia being plastered all over, which includes everything from alien faces on the lamppost, to UFOs "crashing" into buildings, and even the UFO-shaped McDonalds. All in all, Roswell has so far lived up to this nerds expectations.

As for the driving itself, I think road trips are some of the best times for Rachel and I to connect. We got to spend the morning drive observing beautiful scenery and discussing our last few hours with siblings. I think the most exciting thing that happened was when we ran out of gas in between Tatum, NM and Roswell, NM. We were about 23 miles from Tatum and about 30 miles from Roswell. We called three police stations and two trucking services. No one seemed to be able to help or they wanted $120 dollars to drive out and give us 5 gallons of gas. No, thank you. So Rachel said "I almost just want to keep driving", which I knew meant, "I bet you if we go, God will provide a miracle for us." AND HE DID! We drove 35 miles on an empty tank of gas. It was really amazing.

Anyway, it's late and it has definitely been an emotional few weeks, so I am going to catch some shut eye and maybe write more another night :)

Joshua J. Dobler

Down To One

2010-05-24T23:56:00.001-05:00

It is all a blur today. Joshua spent the day running errands and mom and I have been doing things at the house like sorting boxes (Uhaul/Jeep), laundry, and other odds and ends. I'm mapping our route along the way because I was not able to finish my Elizabethtown project, but I'll put it together as I can. Through some of the scrapping I began to realize that I'd rather throw pictures and maps in as I went and customize pages accordingly. However it gets put together, I am really excited for the result. Mom and Dad have been really generous letting us stay with them during all of the chaos and they both spent so much time helping us pack things into the Uhaul. They have really made tying up loose ends and leaving with our heads on straight a reality.

Without the time I had intended to focus on playlists, I very much fell back to some of what has become oldie-but-goodie artists (good music is good music) to compile two playlists: Roadtrip Rock and Roadtrip Repose. The first is basically a feel-good eclectic grouping of AC/DC, Flogging Molly, Regina Spektor, Paramore, Matthew Mayfield, Rolling Stones, Hall & Oates, All-American Rejects, and more. The second is for those sweet moments of sunrise and blurry horizon with Ingrid Michaelson, NeedToBreathe, O.A.R., The Smiths, The Cranberries, Fleetwood Mac, with seasonings from the Elizabethtown soundtrack.

Last night I sat with my sisters before bed and had that precious sister talk about how beautiful and wonderful they are. Hannah left for Tennessee this morning so that was pretty much my last time to see her for awhile. I will not even put up a tough front: I bawled my eyes out. Tonight we hung out with Natalie and Doug, kissed baby Talon, and enjoyed some sweet conversation with Jim and Debbie. Afterward, we spent time with the family, laughing over Super Mario and generally just savoring last moments. Hunter and I stayed up talking forever and I was impressed once again by his wisdom at eighteen. And then I bawled my eyes out again. Leaving the second time is harder because there is no "oh, I'll be back in a few months" lingering around. But our bond is so deep, real, and absolutely blessed that I know I am not losing them. If anything, I hope to inspire them that adventures are so worth it!

--Here is a little video clip of our family fun:

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Sweet Symmetry

2010-05-17T11:56:00.006-05:00

The last four days have gone by so quickly. Our apartment is empty and cleaned and the keys are no longer ours. My parents' garage is full of our belongings (although there are a handful of boxes that need to be gone through in order to consolidate). We were able to get some help yesterday that we would never have been able to survive without. With four days of bending, lifting, and carrying, my whole body is reminding me every five minutes of the work we were doing. All the same, the days flew by so quickly because I was spending them with Joshua.

We laughed and talked and fell in love again every day. I am still starry-eyed over this incredible man. It is entirely cliche, but I love him more now than I did then. We really cannot have enough time together; the more I hear him talk, or receive his understanding grace, or simply laugh and enjoy life with him, the more that I get the picture of the nobility and destiny he has. The anticipated days of traveling together become sweeter in my mind when I realize that hours on the open road are some of my favorite memories that we have, from Redding to Sacramento or San Francisco and then from Redding through Arizona to Texas. When there are minutes upon hours of driving, you get past routine conversation and into deep thoughts, belly laughs, and introspection. We first talked about getting married on a roadtrip and now we have been married a year. The symmetry to our life together communicates to me once again that the Lord's timing is on this move.

Please pray for us to find the employment that will both provide for and satisfy us, as well as a living situation that can be "home." Both Joshua and I are seeking somewhere that does not feel temporary, but is soft ground ready for some roots. (It looks like we want a break from moving again too soon!) Ultimately, though, pray for the release of His will and abundance in our lives and that we would be able to hear and follow.

may can bring what it may

2010-05-03T16:44:00.001-05:00

The month has arrived. It is three weeks tomorrow from Leaving Day. There are a million and one things to do, but you know, I am totally not worried about it. There are very few times I have been able to say that in the last couple of years, but I am quite at ease with where we're at and the pace we're going... and the place we're going.

Over the last few weeks Joshua and I have had a few things come up that make staying feel "safer" and more "convenient." No matter what anyone says, there really is only so much you can do when looking for a job or apartment from 1,800 miles away, especially when you are trying to be "monetarily conservative", work full time, and finish a school semester! We are moving without for-sure jobs without a for-sure address and without even a for-sure bed (unless you count the air mattress). And really... all I can think is that there is that much more potential for adventure. It's illogical and impossible to explain unless you have been so fortunate to experience this before.

There is something so indescribably priceless about knowing you are headed exactly where you ought to be.

My heart is both elated and completely nervous. It just feels like we are headed back to where we were supposed to have started. The Lord's grace is all over this. Sometimes we make decisions in the moment and hear Him clearly and sometimes we don't. Mistakes are a part of the journey and the detour is over. It's time to get back on the road!

Take That

2010-04-05T19:10:00.000-05:00

{unedited, fresh, and raw}

I wish it would just fade, fade away
Blue to grey, blue to grey
One melancholy leaves another
The second looks up to see its mother

Day by day, the soul fails to awake
After each dehumanizing quake
Call a person a slave and watch them die
Each little drifting piece melts into the sky

Into which it stares longing and streaming
Tears for what once was when dreaming
Was the currency of an inhale
And the change of an exhale

Let it go, let it flow, let it lie
Let it fly, let it lift, let it rift
From grey to infinite, melancholy blue
For the life it knew, the life it grew

Life Like Now

2010-03-23T11:09:00.005-05:00

I have had a few comments this week about the low volume of posts on our blog. Life is pretty mellow right now without much to share. We are always working toward the goal/stepping stone of moving back to California and really hope to make significant progress this year. We entertain ourselves by browsing jobs and apartments/real estate. All of the hoping and planning is really exciting and keeps us going on the more boring days, but we are really happy together.

Some pet projects of mine:
-searching online and compiling "look books" of how I would like to decorate different rooms in our home.
-browsing Redding real estate and falling in love with retro homes that have potential
-looking through Labrador retriever breeder websites and debating with Joshua which color we'll get (eventually)
-designing my next (and biggest) tattoo. I'm still praying about what exactly to get, but I know I want it on my shoulder and/or arm and I have a couple of potential designs in my head. No for sure plans yet, but I may be getting it as soon as my birthday (April 3).

The past month has been full of busy weekends with friends and family. We have gotten into the pleasant but dangerous habit recently of stopping by my parents' on a weeknight. It is way too much fun being with my family so we end up staying until far too late on a work-night, but these moments are so precious. In January my "little" brother (who stands at over 6' these days) turned 18 and he graduates in May. I have to admit that it is really surreal and it makes my '07 graduation feel like the distant past.

School has been lighter for both of us this semester, although I am finding myself overwhelmed some days working full time and then coming home to have a paper to write and entire books to read. On the bright side, I love both of my classes: English Comp and Forms of Literature I (Children's Lit). I have had people asking me about my applications to the schools I mentioned in my last post. I dropped the Yale and Harvard applications and I honestly don't know if I can still finish Brown's (the only school I'm even mildly interested in) but I will try. The further I went in the application process, the more it was costing and the more I realized I don't want it like I used to. I began the process to "find" where I am supposed to be and somehow I just don't know that it is at any of those places. My degree is still in progress and I will finish it, I just don't know where yet. We're working on basics and life vision here. And it's crazy, but I am actually okay with not having a precise plan.

Seven Months Married

2010-01-15T15:24:00.007-06:00

Now that we're settled into the rhythm of the new year, it's about time for an update from the Dobler home, I suppose. A few quick notes:

I still hesitate when someone asks my last name and it sounds something like "Ca-Dobler."
I am blonde again, per husband's request and to my own satisfaction, thanks to the ever-magical hands of Katrina.
We crossed our 6 month mark at the end of November! I can't believe we're on the shorter side of counting down to a year!
Some of you may have heard of my frequent complaints of nausea and many smile in mocking disbelief when I demand that I am not pregnant. But I was right. The cause of my nausea is apparently that I have low blood sugar/low blood pressure. So eat that. :-p (No, really. I just have to increase the frequency of my meals and the protein I consume).
(...ironically enough...) In November I started a job as office manager for Gentle Beginnings Birth Center in Hurst, TX and I LOVE it!
I applied to Yale, Harvard, and Brown Universities. I have interviews with Brown and Yale this month. No word from Harvard yet. Ivy League is a long-time dream of mine and right now is the best time to make the grand gesture, so we are trying it out. If I had my first pick, it'd be Brown. Their course flexibility and English program are enchanting.

The last few months have been the best of our marriage, I think. Joshua and I have always been really honest with each other and that causes some tension in our relationship, but it keeps the air clear, too. Now that we have more of a rhythm with each other, I feel like we are handling uncertainties and challenges like more of a team than ever. I cannot even announce to the world how much I love this man! What a sweet Jesus I have to let him love me so.

Recently Joshua's OCD cleanness has become a contagion (I'm sure he's thinking, "Finally!" ...I'm a bit of a clutter-until-you-can't-see-the-floor-then-go-on-a-cleaning-binge kind of person) and we are going through this purging-the-unnecessary phase as far as dusty old corners and miscellaneous catch-alls go. Every so often we make trips to the magnificent Container Store for things like scarf hooks (for my infinite supply) and drawer trays (for my cosmetic plethora) and giant plastic boxes (for our newlywed Christmas collection).

Our recent save-up-and-splurge purchase was a Wii and my parents got us Wii Fit Plus for Christmas. I completely love it because the competitive creature in me loves to smear Joshua's scores into the dust (oh, yeah, and get a work-out). *As a side-note to those who own Wii Fit, have you noticed that you can input your pets' weights? I think it's a little creepy but I am just creepy enough to have my cats terrorizing my home and my Wii Fit Plaza.

Speaking of cats, our lovely 5 month old Argyle went into heat this month (joy of joys) which is when we were supposed to get her fixed. Trust me, as soon as she is done being a raging hairball of hormones, it's clippety-clop snippety-snap for both of our little felines. As much as my husband will hate me for publicly admitting this, it's true that pets take on their owners' personalities. Paisley is a cuddle-me-when-I-please and Argyle is a love-me-love-me. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which.

What's In The Works

2009-07-17T11:54:00.006-05:00

So I've had furniture stacked in our apartment since before we got married that I need to refinish. In the last couple of days, I finally got cracking on the table and finished the painting. I just need to take a look, do a little touching up, and seal it. My next wave is the chairs, which are still a bit on the undecided side. I may do some light sanding and stain them darker. and also do the same for our ginormous mirror. We'll see how that goes. We also have an English dresser that needs a little maintenance before I can stain it a dark chestnut.

In other news, Joshua and I are praying about some pretty big college decisions so we wouldn't mind some prayer covering in that area. He is going to get his degree in psychology to pursue professional counseling and as always, I'm chasing down my English degree. He is starting in August, but no official plans have been made for me. I've applied with St. Mary-In-The-Woods College online, but still don't know if that is the best option. We'll see. :)

August 9th-16th we are going to spend in Pensacola with my family. I cannot tell you how excited we are to take a vacation with clear waters and soft sand. The days are ticking by and my little heart gets more excited about it all the time. I never feel more alive than when I am by the ocean.

Princess Paisley

2009-07-11T23:57:00.006-05:00

So we got a cat. After a lot of wishes for a puppy, we decided a kitten was a more practical option for us at this point (not without a little begging on my part). Her name is Paisley and she is the loudest cat you will ever meet. She meows all the time: to say hello, to ask for attention, to tell you she's mad/sad/hungry/indifferent, and just to hear herself talk. For the first two nights we had her, she kept us (me) up all night trying to pacify our recently mother-deprived little darling. After those two nights with two hours of sleep, I became resolved and we put her in "her room" (the laundry room) right after feeding and playtime at night with the sound machine turned up loud in the kitchen to drown out her cries. She's become quite a bit better and we're hoping after a couple of weeks she'll be able to "manage her freedom" during sleeping hours. Paisley is quite the prowler and stalks anything that moves or blows in the wind. (Toe biting is a habit we'd like to break). She's endearing, though, in her playfulness and her wonder at the world is too hilarious to watch. Being our "first child" she is quite spoiled with attention and affection. Lately the entertainment has been to watch her chase her tail and her shadow then climb upside down on our nightstand, as seen in the first picture. I'm sure there are many escapades to come with our family addition. What a sweet, simple joy.

Here Come The Newlyweds

2009-07-07T18:03:00.001-05:00

So after a month of being married, I am going to peep my head back out into the blogging world. This is our "new" blog where I will be updating from now on.

I find myself in this oxymoronic position of feeling like so much has happened and still being shocked that a month has already passed. At the same time, I've found myself thinking that the last month has been so busy but I hardly feel like we've done anything! It isn't true, of course, and my husband is always the first to try and remind me of the things I accomplish that seem trivial. Sometimes at the end of a long day, just getting the dishes done before bed is a lot. However, we are completely moved in to our sweet little apartment. Every week or so something appears in it that makes it more "homey." We bought a chair and couch and hung some things on the wall. We have a TV now and then a few pieces of unfinished furniture in the process of being reborn (one of those being a table, which we've done without the last four weeks).

After a night or two out, one of us always turns to the other and says, "I miss you!" and then we proceed to stay home for the next couple of days. This may mean staying home playing Battleship or making dinner. We've gotten into watching "The Office" and have actually gulped all four seasons. However, the only actual television we watch is "Here Come The Newlyweds." The season began our first night in Galveston and the only way I've been able to keep up with it is online as our antenna is not hooked up. Joshua very graciously acquiesces to my once-a-week-one-hour indulgence.

This last weekend, we had several people over for a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition marathon. It had been much talked about in months previous so we finally pulled it off, complete with Middle-Earth fare. We have come to the full realization that we are a nerdy couple (in addition in our own rite). He likes Serenity, Firefly, sci-fi, comics, and things of that nature. I adore literature and Lord of the Rings. For the most part, we respect that line although every now and then I maintain that I get bumped up a rank for liking literature, but once you start actually trying to measure these things, you realize just how far gone you really are. :)

As soon as I figure out a way to get my silly camera hooked up to my computer (somehow in all the moving the cord went missing!) I will share pictures of our honeymoon and home. We've been able to browse our wedding photos but they're not quite ready for general viewing yet. Trust me, I'm anxious to share!

Our "Family" Blog

2009-02-06T11:02:00.001-06:00

This is where you will be able to keep up with Joshua and I after we get married with all of our wanderings, wonderings, and events. We're joint bloggers so this should be very good fun. I will let you know when we get a photo link set up to snapfish or something.

See you on the other side,

-Us.